Tagline O Matic, Bitcore, 2004. A few hundred random lines of useless text!!! Tagline O Matic, Bitcore, 2004. A few hundred random lines of useless text!!! Tagline O Matic, Bitcore, 2004. A few hundred random lines of useless text!!! Tagline O Matic, Bitcore, 2004. A few hundred random lines of useless text!!! Drag racing an m3 is like going fishing with a hooker, it's fun but it's not what you got her for. We slowed down to go through the town so we were only doing 85... Whats dis button do? whatever you do- DONT stick a cat in the microwave! it will explode... There are no HO's in Chemestry only OH's Dr. Norb: Welcome! To the enima room.... If men are from mars and women from venus, i think i know why marsians are green... My cat had a whole flock of puppies! If wrinkles come with age, why is one part of me WAY older than the rest?! If you are reading this, then your gay. well there is only one answer to it all, we gotta have an orgy. Ok. i`am just gonna pop into the bank, you stay here and KEEP THE ENGINE RUNNING! Big pile of tires in the parking lot, and no matches... Just like Winey the Pooh... stop yelling, this is a shouting only section. *la de da*-said the cheese Don't just stand there! Throw a dog! WOMEN.EXE: A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation. WOMEN.EXE: A great program, It's not freeware. Banging your head on a wall burns 150 calories. And it's true! Life is like a box of chocolates... You always know what your gona get if you read the underside of the lid... Har Har! I'm the magical singing sea searpent! If i were a fish, I'd SCREAM! SCREAM! SCREAM!! yeah thats great but where are the boobs? GET THE CHEESE TO SICKBAY! In the event of a dildo, click here --->( )<--- If it aint broke, break it. Then super glue it together. when your done, give it to a friend. I know where you live, and i'm going to make good use of it. Come on, stop humping her, that is for later ladies and gentlemen, we have a screamer... Buddy Christ says: THIS TOPIC SUCKS! I'm not talking to myself, i'm thinking out aloud. I wonder why everything tastes lke chicken... Killer chickens to be exact.. Its not a good idea to eat rat poision ---- Trust me on this one If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares, why does he keep doing it? Wheaties - The breakfast of champions If we are all equal, why do you have a bigger desk? Of course I'm not a virgin! I've never even been to the south! Even the most mild-mannered person gets pissed after you poke him with a stick for long enough. In a world without leaders, who would start all the wars??? screw it i am going fishing. WE DONT NEED NO EJUNCAMAFUNCATION! I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approxminated. Why Can't Mr.Fork and Ms.Electical Outlet be friends? I'm Not Attention Deficit, I'm just ignoring you! Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Then Allah came to me and he said, "Those pants clash with your shirt." There is no gravity, the earth just sucks. Mmmm Cheese Good........ How About a Warm Cup of Shut the F|_|ck Up? yor village called, they are missing their idiot. killer migits in mini cars are attacking school, call 9 12, or is it 913? Some call it bestaility, I call it a meal. So what if I like my milk fresher? How much would you like to bet that it's wrong to gamble? I'll just stick it right up there... it won't hurt! ...Get me cheese, a dildo, and nyquil... lots of nyquil.. You say tomat-o I say tomato.. whatch out! It's the feces kid!!!!!! thank you captin ass.... They're not black, they're "caucasian impared1!" Ask Yourself, 'Why?' or, 'How Come?' ! Try It! It's Fun! I bet you 500 bucks you wont go out with me... Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven. When life gives you lemons, dont forget the antacid. Why is "blow" snorted? Why is "live Maine Lobster" served in a restaurant dead? A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate. With MY luck, my Family Tree has Root Rot! I trace family history so I will know who to blame. C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\PC\CRAWL Just because we serve you, doesn't mean we like you. Sitrom says: Fear the squirrels! Hand me the battery powered battery recharger. Why do people use apple computers? -The fruity compony! Say "turd", just say it. WAR! HUH! WHATS IT GOOD FOR? BLOWING PEOPLE UP! SAY IT AGAIN I learned the hard way that cats and the pill don't mix. It does it automatically, AND all by itself! AHHAAA!! You password is a set of asterisks!! ERROR: no error. WARNING! High Grav detected! Contact server admin! Please insert 25 cents to continue... How do clouds stay in the sky? Promise me you won't tell a soul about what's in meatloaf... IT WAS LIKE IT WHEN I GOT HERE!!!!!! Don't not use bad grammer. Computer term: "tower case" - The object you hit or kick. Bad pun #368: The lawn gnomes are in a turf war. Life is like a box of chocolates... I object to all this sex on televison, I keep falling off. Let me live this day without running into rubber. amen. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away what about an onion? Why do kamakazie piolets were helmates? 1 duck 2 duck red duck blue duck. Why do they steralize the lethal injection needle? INSERT WITTY COMMENT HERE. You will not leave this room alive! Hey, where'd he go? Why does everyone in CS look like they are taking a sh!t? Granny is using a peddal-powered wheelchair. I BELIEVE I MISPELLED TRUCK. Big Up Da London POssse. If it smells like fish it cant be all that bad... Hunting is like SEX the best game is found in the BUSH. Look mom, dad escaped from prison again. Was your father a farmer cus you got nice mellons. Hello gentlemen ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. HO HO HO santa is one fly pimp. You bases is all mine!. Pick up line 100: I wish you were a door so so I could bang u all day! All your base are belong to us. Apples Fall from the sky and smack my ass very softly.. I enjoy that. "no dont really feeling like f*cking with this mouse now" -bitcore 2002 "Hey we need a can of compressed vacume air" -bitcore 2002 All your base are belong to us 42? 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?! Be careful and have a good time. (a mother's paradox curse) Hand me that solar-powered flashlight... <>{ 1 fish, <>{ 2 fish, <>{ red fish, <>{ blue fish Today has been cancelled due to lack of interest 10 PRINT "Waiter, There's a bug in my LOOP" GOTO 10 1024x768x256.... Sounds like one MEAN woman 26% of Canadians can't read. The other 92% can't do Math A pedestrian hit me and went under my car A closed mouth gathers no feet. After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is NOT our friend! Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows 98 Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out Basic Airline Flying: Keep the pointy end forward ::BEEP:: Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue... BUFFERS=7 FILES=5, 2nd Down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN Complaints? Write them here legibly-[ ] Confuse people: start making sense Cut my pizza in six slices please, I can't eat eight Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean? Daddy, what does RESET mean? Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy? Dear Santa, all I want is your list of naughty girls Do I smoke after sex? I don't know, I never looked Do not adjust your brain...there is a fault with reality Don't steal. The government hates competition Fahrflungnudel: noun, A mouth full of spaghetti and a sneeze. Feet Smell? Nose Run? Hey, you're upside down! For More Free Disk Space Type: Format C:/ Hold [ESC][CTRL][ALT]DEL][END][ENTER] & click here [] to continue. I know Karate, and several other Japanese words. I shot an arrow into the air, and it got stuck. If 'R&' is Reverse, how come 'D' is FORWARD? If 1 + 2 = 3 THEN 4 + 5 = 6 If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From? If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit If you hear an onion ring, please answer it. If you smoke After sex, you're doing it too fast! I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar! I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing. In case of fire, yell "FIRE!" Keyboard: Used for entering errors into a system. Life is like a bath, the longer you stay in it, the wrinklier you get Line noise courtesy of South Western Bell. LSD will make your CGA screen display 16.2 million colors Macintosh: Computer with training wheels you can't remove. Math problems? Call 1-800-10*(24+13)-(64-16)/2^14E2. No new mail for you - want someone else's? No! No! Nurse!!! I said "prick his boil" not the other way around!! Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark? Old virus detected! Contact your hacker for an update... Panic Button -> (o) <- Push Here For Valium Qagh -- it's not just for breakfast anymore! Reality-o-meter: [......../.] hmm, that's odd... Seems just like yesterday . . . Hey! It was! Sex on TV can't hurt you...unless you fall off. She's ALIVE, Jim! Pass the Trojans! Smith & Wesson - The original Point-and-Click Interface! STAND BACK! I don't know how big this gets! Stress- n. Doing a tight 180-degree U-turn at Warp 9.5 Support your local medical examiner: die strangely. Their are trhee things wrong here. There go my people. I have to follow them, I'm their leader. This product was cruelly tested on small, furry animals. True Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels! Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do. We secretly replaced the dilithium with Folger's Crystals Whaddya mean you don't STAPLE diskette labels on? What CAN you get a nudist for Christmas? When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream: HEEELLLPP! When you discover you are dead, avoid driving a car. Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? Why bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you! Why is it called 'rush hour' if it's so damn slow? Windows is just a colorful clown suit for DOS. Windows: The best 89 solitaire game you can buy WOM - Write only memory Wrong Syntax? What means 'Syntax'...? Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All generalizations are false, including this one. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps... Consciousness: That annoying time between acid trips.... Consciousness: That annoying time between drinking binges... Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass? Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. Honk if you love peace and quiet. How does Teflon stick to the pan? I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! If you can't convince them, confuse them. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Save the whales. Collect the whole set Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date! Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? What's the speed of dark? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know how most packages say "Open here." What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? If Superman could stop bullets with his chest, why did he always duck when someone threw a gun at him? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? What's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car. I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Women like silent men, they think they're listening. He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke. To reuse a condom, turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it. You know you are a geek when you look at a movie trailer and think, "I have that font." If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going. If you want to watch the world pass you by, try driving the speed limit. Never tell a one legged hitch hiker to "hop in". If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people. Don't let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection! Confucius say: Passionate kiss like spider's web soon lead to undoing of fly. Confucius say: Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone! Confucius say: Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails. Confucius say: Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it. Confucius say: War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot! Confucius say: Man who lives in glass house should change in basement. Confucius say: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. Confucius say: Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds. Confucius say: Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ. Confucius say: Mother's Day comes nine months after father's day. Confucius say: A woman can humiliate any man by simply saying "Hold my purse." Confucius say: Pubic hair is organic dental floss. Confucius say: Quietest place in world is complaint department at parachute packing plant. Confucius say: A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight. Confucius say: Never marry woman with big hands. She will make your penis look smaller. Confucius say: If You look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who seeks advice from bakery products. Confucius say: Couple who cross LSD with birth control pills, get a trip without the kids. Confucius say: Man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber. Confucius say: Deaf people have phone sex by fax. Confucius say: The only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back, is a police horse. Confucius say: Girl who go on fishing trip with 6 men, come back with red snapper. Confucius say: Best way to make wife panties wet every day, is to do the laundry. Confucius say: An Austrailian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under. Confucius say: Prostitute with her hand in her panties is "self employed". Confucius say: Perfect gift for man who has everything, is burglar alarm Confucius say: Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag. Confucius say: Blowing into a blonde's ear is called Data transfer. Confucius say: Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Confucius say: If girlfriend start smoking, slow down and use lubricant. Confucius say: A rental car is the only true all-terrain vehicle. Confucius say: Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. Confucius say: It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. Confucius say: He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. By the time you realize your parents were right, you have children who don't believe you If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone. When you're going through Hell, keep going. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -Einstein In dolphin language, does 'eeeee-eee-ee-eeeeee-ee' mean 'Let me the fuck out of this tank, you cunt? The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck The most exciting phrase to hear in science is not "Eureka!" but "Hey, that's funny..." Life's journey isn't to arrive at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, all worn out, shouting: Holy shi, what a ride! Did you see what GOD just did to us, man?! We can't stop here! This is bat country! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. Never let school get in the way of your education. I'd hit it! Getting on a drunk girl at a bar is a lot like sitting on a warm toilet seat. Sure, it feels good, but you have to wonder who was there before you. Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate. Stupidity should hurt. I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it. No woman can find anything in her purse in under 12 minutes. It's a rule. It's OK to talk to yourself aloud. You can even answer. Just don't get caught saying "huh?". Your breath is so bad, people look forward to your farts. Never play leap frog with a unicorn. Religion exists because true and total death is not an acceptable answer for the human psyche. You're not drunk enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on. You're not tripping hard enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on. You're not stoned enough if you can lie on the floor without holding on. I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it. If you meet a clown in the forest it means you're gonna die. I pitty the foo! You can't spell slaughter without laughter. There are more men than women in mental hospitals, which just goes to show whos driving who crazy. Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. Gods are fragile things; they may be killed with a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. Dont worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bublegum. Me fail English? That's unpossible. Nuclear explosions under the Nevada desert? What the fuck are we testing for? We already know the shit blows up. - frank zappa Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that. People always say: "dont eat tuna because it kills dolphins." No one ever says: "Dont eat tuna because it kills tuna." There are only two places in this world, over here and over there. Remember - no matter where you go...there you are. The story of life is quicker than a wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye until we meet again. "Throw the Jew down the well!" -Borat "You sir, are DRUNK!" "That may be so, but when I wake up in the morning I will be sober, and you will still be UGLY!" In response to anyone scolding you for not eating your vegetables: "That's the food that food eats." Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Maybe this planet is another planet's hell. Hackers, Viruses, and Porn, Oh My! I sleep well with others. If it has tits or tires, your going to have problems with it. Alright brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me; lets just pass this test and I'll get back to killing you with alcohol. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. - Einstein I'm so smart I'm practically retarded! Ever notice how anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster is a maniac? Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Is it possible to be totally partial? Oxymoron: Act naturally Oxymoron: Found missing Oxymoron: Airline Food Oxymoron: Good grief Oxymoron: Same difference Oxymoron: Almost exactly Oxymoron: Government organization Oxymoron: Sanitary landfill Oxymoron: Alone together Oxymoron: Legally drunk Oxymoron: Small crowd Oxymoron: Business ethics Oxymoron: Soft rock Oxymoron: Sweet sorrow Oxymoron: Child Proof Oxymoron: Passive aggression Oxymoron: Taped live Oxymoron: Clearly misunderstood Oxymoron: Peace force Oxymoron: Extinct life Oxymoron: Temporary tax increase Oxymoron: Computer jock Oxymoron: Plastic glasses Oxymoron: Terribly pleased Oxymoron: Computer security Oxymoron: Political science Oxymoron: Tight slacks Oxymoron: Definite maybe Oxymoron: Pretty ugly Oxymoron: Diet ice cream Oxymoron: Working vacation Oxymoron: Exact estimate Oxymoron: Microsoft Works Take my advice; I don't use it anyway. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! Next time you wave, use all your fingers. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? If you spin an oriental man in a circle 10 times does he become disoriented? A day without sunshine is like, well, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. "AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.